Tonight, I am writing as the professor and the student. If you were to know me, you know I love to learn about a broad variety of subjects. And this evening, the topic is relationships. I hope this will be as helpful to you as it will be to me as I learn much through introspection.
My ‘ole broken heart…. I do not always understand why those we love in our life sometimes believe the grass is greener somewhere else. They think we are the ones who need all the work while they fail to look in the mirror and really contemplate who they are. What makes a good relationship? You and I both know there are 50,000+ books written on this subject, but seriously, what makes for a good relationship between a man and woman. Obviously, I am no Dr. Phil and nor do I pretend to be an expert as I have yet to be able to sustain a long term committed relationship with a woman. However, through trial and error, much reading, observation and listening to successful couples, I have learned a few things.
I think what makes a good relationship is two committed people who know how to first of all, always forgive. If you cannot forgive, you cannot love. I also personally believe both partners should be themselves, and be committed to individual personal growth, as well as growing together in a formal setting where there are other committed people who encourage them to be successful in their relationship. This setting is usually in a religious based environment. Recently, I was listening to Deepak Chopra, and he said there are several stages of relationships. When people first get together there is the attraction, excitement of knowing someone new, finding similarities and traits you want causing you to hang more around them. Then the second stage sets in where there is second attention, to always know what the other person is going to do and what they are thinking and feeling, you appreciate the other person, listen with the eyes of mind, eyes of the soul and flesh and feel love through caring. The third stage is communion, where your soul connects with another soul based on equality, empathy, non-judgment, integrity and telling the truth. Then there is the possibility of intimacy where you totally lose your ego in that relationship, you feel defenseless, nothing to defend, no point of view to defend, where you expose your vulnerability, you go beyond time into timeless awareness being totally natural and you allow, no manipulation no control, no cajoling, no convincing, no seduction, and you become intimate. The next stages beyond intimacy include surrender, passion and then ecstasy.
Ecstasy is the exultation of spirit!
Every day we should aspire to work on our individual selves, we need to take time to quiet our spirits, close our eyes ask a few questions to ourselves. Here are the steps:
First, quiet your spirit, then ask the question and then silently listen.
Ask yourself, who am I?
What do I want?
What is my purpose?
In doing this, we begin to know who we are, then, we will find ourselves attracting the people in our lives that we need. We are able to match our hearts and souls to those that harmonize with our values, inner-spirit, and life goals.
My personal reflection is the destruction of my relationships has been based upon others actions and my reactions which have not always been the most positive. There are those in my past who have sought to control me, manipulate on some levels, causing me to be defensive, always seeking agreement to their point of view which sometimes I felt was contrary to my perception of personal truths. When others do this, or we engage in this mode of relating, we are only expressing varying degrees of selfishness, rather than selflessness. And honestly, why do we want to control others? Why do we expect everyone to have to agree, it is not always productive, we should embrace our differences and realize it creates opportunity for growth rather than a platform for restrictive living.
After years of growth my personality has evolved to allow others to be who they are, to embrace our differences, and to welcome their varying viewpoints. We do not need to be in relationships where we are constantly challenged for what we do, believe, or with whom we associate. This pattern of behavior is destructive and only leads to the death of a relationship. I do not know about you, but I am sick of seeing relationships hitting the skids because both parties are not enlightened enough to work on themselves and grow. The self-destruction of relationships many times happen when one or both partners become so controlling as to prevent one another from evolving to a state of self-actualization in who they are.
I believe we should support and sustain one another, encourage our partner’s personal and professional endeavors, show affection, give of ourselves, sacrifice for the other individual, express compassion and create a loving atmosphere of real concern, admiration and genuine selflessness.
There will most undoubtably be moments of challenge in each of our relationships, so we must always remember the resources of God to get us past the difficulties. We must always remember to accept the other person, love them and forgive them and continue to love them. It may not always be so easy, but it absolutely worth the effort!
I sincerely hope for all of you who have read these thoughts, that you are able to find, create, sustain and enjoy the most wonderful loving relationship with the person of your dreams.
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