January 31st

It is 5:16 a.m. and I have been awake writing for an hour or so, and thought it was time to write something which can be shared.  There is a smile on my face this morning, probably because yesterday I spent the afternoon with my daughter after church and even though our conversation may not have been those most fluid, we enjoyed our time together.  And no it just wasn’t me, as she was patient and lately can sense she is beginning to appreciate me, which for only those of you that know me is a great thing. 

I have a smile on my face, as I have been listening to some really great Spanish guitar by Al Marconi as he played live on a city street.  If you close your eyes while listening it takes you somewhere, I cannot even explain.  If I were there, I would grab the person with me, or perhaps even a stranger and dance in the street. We would let ourselves go and be free, smile and laugh, and glance excitedly into each other’s eyes, no matter who it may be and enjoy the connection of the music into our souls.  I cannot explain the music, you must check out this url, then you will know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IPRBQ3yrSs&feature=related

I have dedicated time to praying this weekend, when I wrote the last post for my blog, I wasn’t sure who it was exactly written for, but on Saturday evening realized it was written to me.  How can I pray and ask God for anything when there is so much on my heart which must be confessed.  I ate alone at my kitchen table, and with elbows on my tabletop and hands folded laying my head against my arms I cried tearfully and asked God how can I ask for anything, even to bless my food with such anger in my soul.  I am so ashamed, there is more to be said, but not here. 

It is amazing to me why God would want to love me when there is so much in my soul that is corrupt. I am a poor miserable sinner!  ‘I a poor miserable sinner confess unto thee all my sins and iniquities which I have ever offended against thee and justly deserve thy temporal and eternal punishment.’ I know I am not perfect, but He still loves me, why?  If I were God, would I still love me?  He knows every evil thought that has every crossed my mind, he knows my weak nature.

But God also knows my hurts, He recognizes everything that is in our hearts, and maybe because He has searched our hearts…. (There is nothing to explain) He just loves us because He loves us.  Unfailing love is unconditional love, it is the love we have for our children.  No matter what they do, how they treat us, disappoint us or leave us in confusion and disbelief, we still love them and like the father of the prodigal son, our arms remain outstretched and we cannot but smile.  This is how our Father in Heaven loves us.  Again, why I will never know, and truthfully there is no theologian who can really explain.

There are many in our lives we love unconditionally, people we have loved, even if they may not love us anymore or see us as special, friends we truly care for, and over time in our heart developed a true enduring love for, and of course our families. 

While running on a treadmill this past Saturday and watching a movie, a line caught my attention which the writers knew is probably true. “A love may take two months to get over, a good love two years to get over, a great love, well…”   This was the line in the movie, and even though not everyone may agree with everything that happens in Hollywood, the writers have hearts too!  It makes me wonder, for all the people who end up end hell, what does that do to God’s heart? 

It Is January 31^st, a special day for my family.  Today is the birthday of one of my sisters, but it is also the day that my Grandmother entered Heaven.  The day she died, I told my sister, since it was birthday, what greater honor to know that the day we celebrate your birth, we also celebrate our grandmother’s entrance into Heaven.  My grandmother was very special to me, she and I had a very wonderful connection.  I stayed with her nearly every night from 7^th grade through high school, and when in college would spend my summers there.  She was my best friend for many years, and I hers.  She taught me it is okay to cry, reach out and hold another’s hand, how to gaze deeply into another’s eyes, and how to love.  She would sometimes really get mad at me and say, my full name adding along in the same breath, ‘you make my butt tired’, but with a little different phrasing.  I knew she always loved me and protected me, and will always be in my heart forever.  There is not hardly a week that goes by, that I do not stop at the cemetery, and sit or stand in front of her grave.  She and I used to go to church together every Sunday, I would walk her into the church arm in arm, and hold her hand while we sat together and listened to the preacher. 

I have to stop, thank you for reading, and I am sorry, too overwhelmed with emotion for many reasons. 

Today, decide to love.      

Seeking Peace

Seeking Peace…

Today in the news there is upheaval throughout the world; it does not matter what country no matter how free or controlled.  How does one find peace?  I think about Nelson Mandela and how he was imprisoned, and then there is the gentleman in the U.S. just released a few weeks ago after being unfairly incarcerated for thirty-plus years.  I think about Malika Oukfir and her family imprisoned in Morocco for a crime her father committed, even her three year old brother for nineteen years.  Where do these individuals find peace?

My friend Rick, a priest told me about a family where three immediate family members have cancer, including a child who has inoperable brain cancer, where is the fairness in all of this tragedy?

I am certain none of us have the answers, why does life have to be this way?  Why do some people stay in love and others cannot remain committed?  These are all good questions, and in the whole scheme of things at some point we will learn the answers.

It is uncanny how God works to make our lives better and we keep messing them up.  Prayer is the key to changing our lives.  It is while you and I are on our knees we truly find peace. 

So what should we pray for?  Is it to illuminate our lives and make the lives of others better; is it wealth, health, kindness, boldness, momentary brilliance or something else?  I contend we should pray for thanksgiving for the gift of Christ and His forgiveness and our reconciliation back to the Father.  I pray for God to place His hand upon us and grant us patience and fortitude, and to understand His plan is so much more wonderful than we could ever imagine.  We should foremost pray for faith. 

In my moments of insanity, it is my faith that brings me back to reality.  A reality that God has chosen me and He truly loves me beyond understanding, no one will ever care as much as He does. 

For most of us, we seek a special someone to share our lives, unfortunately human beings are not perfect, and they do not always make the right choices, and it can dramatically affect our lives.  God always makes the right choices, which too dramatically affects our lives. 

Today, take time to kneel down somewhere, it doesn’t matter where, just somewhere by yourself with no one else around, a private place and no matter your circumstance in your life, ask God to enter your heart.  Ask Him to send His Spirit to transform you.  If you are upset and mad, still kneel down; scream if you must, cry if you must, let it all out!   Tell God how you feel.  It may not be that exact moment, but at some moment the Holy Spirit will engage you and suddenly the anger and upset are converted to contrition and peace.  And in this peace, we find freedom.

Some people believe to live free is to do what you want, the truth… freedom is following God doing what He wants, and as a result in obedience we find peace, love and joy.  I pray for you today to find personal peace.

The Lord bless you, and keep you.

The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you.

The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.  Amen.

Reach Higher

Reach higher, reach higher than where you are today!  There is a great life out there awaiting you and it is within your grasp, you only have to claim it.  Don’t settle for where you are now, look around and realize how much more you can become.  You have deep inside of you what is required to expand your personality, enlarge your territory and become a change agent in this world.

Who needs you?  Who needs you desperately and without your presence will never be who they are supposed to be?  Maybe all they need is your prayer, perhaps a kind word, possibly some money, or your time and encouragement.  What can you do to brighten their life?

When was the last time you brought flowers to your mom, grandmother or special mentor in your life? When was the last time you wrote your mother, father or child a love letter to express the deep emotion you feel for them and how they have impacted your life?  Are you doing all you can to be Godly in your actions and helping others to grow, or are you stuck in some comfort zone acknowledging a mundane existence as an easier way to live?

Uproot yourself out of that comfort zone and embrace paradise is not found in complacency but in the illumination of your most desired qualities to care, to strive forward and to make a difference.  Inside of you there is so much more.  You know the best of who you are, what you have to offer and how you can impact the world around you.  Love is the answer to so many maladies of life and God needs you to be His instrument.

You are so special, and there is truly nothing that you cannot do or achieve.  You have so much personal power within you; it is incredible to think of how you can transform the world.  God has great plans for you.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  – Jeremiah 29:11

There is a great quest for you to pursue, a mission of impact and change, an expedition to reveal the magnificence of God.  Don’t be afraid to carry His torch to light up the world, as you walk with Him there is nothing to fear.  He needs you to fulfill His greatness and in doing so for you to discover your future.

So today, lay down your cross and pick up His, empty yourself of your own ambition so the Lord may fill you with His Spirit and lead you down a new path of adventure to be a difference and make a difference.

Godspeed!

Better a dinner of herbs where love is...

It is 2:33 a.m., I have been awake for awhile, I opened my Bible to Proverbs and then to Psalms.  In Proverbs I read a couple pages of teachings filled with wisdom.   One of the scriptures reads “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is. Than a fatted calf with hatred.” – Proverbs 15:17  It is actually the very first verse that I was led to this early morning hour.

The Lord knows my heart, how I feel, as He too feels my pain and my joy.  He knows what is in my heart and my true nature which is to innately love others.  When I opened my Bible a few moments ago, this is the page which laid before me, and my eyes were drawn to this scripture.  With it there is great wisdom and it serves as a guide providing knowledge in how we should be loving and seek others to enter our lives who treat us lovingly.

We must become who we seek in our lives.  I am a better person than who I have become.  Bitterness and upset does not become me.  Those who truly know me… ‘truly know me’… know a person is very caring, deeply loving, extremely honest, exceedingly giving and very earnest in all his efforts.  I seek to live a better life than what I have now.  I have a very giving heart and nearly always easily forgive. 

It is so hard to let go of hurt when we truly love without abandon, especially when we love completely without restraint giving of our whole selves and our soul.  It is like we have traded our soul for nothing!  And in the realization of receiving nothing more back than a bad check, our spirit becomes broken and we experience despair and all other unattractive emotions.

It is appropriate for awhile to feel and to express our hurt, because in our life, things really are not okay.  There is no reason to pretend or not be transparent in the expression of our feelings. 

My greatest strength is dedication, to never give up living a life of true perseverance.  In my work, I negotiate and build bridges and rebuild bridges and in some cases constantly throw out lines to keep everyone together.  When most give up, I always press forward with real belief that nothing is hopeless.

I am an eternal optimist and do not understand people who are unwilling to build bridges, I think they are fools!  They only fool themselves into believing a false reality leading them into a quagmire of later regret.  Of course, my friends sometimes feel my optimism leads me to a quagmire, but trust me it is not the same pit; and I would rather live on a higher plane of diligence and be called a fool than to be something less than what God created me to be.  The joy is always found in stretching one more mile, reaching a little further than you thought you are capable, and all of the sudden… Eureka!  You got it! It sometimes takes additional effort to reach your personal gold mine, it usually isn’t easy, this is the reason why only a few ever find theirs.

“Better a dinner of herbs where love is.”  My personal spiritual mission statement is taken from the NLT version of Proverbs 21:21.  “Pursue righteousness and unfailing love and you shall receive righteousness, honor and life.”  Seeking purity is an admirable desire, none of us will ever achieve it while on this earth, but it is worth seeking!  Unfailing love, that is hallmark of how I want to live my life and when I die want to be remembered as always seeking and always giving love and known for how I lived.

I hope for those of you who know me, may sometime break bread at my table of herbs, and in my presence feel my love for you, and when you walk out of my door, to know my heart and my love remains with you.

Grand Canyon

Several years ago when my daughter was in 7^th grade, I surprised her and my father on Christmas day with airline tickets to travel to Arizona in March of the following year.  Of course we made it to the Painted Desert, the Petrified Forest, Sedona, an abandoned copper mine, Hoover Dam, Las Vegas, Phoenix and other places.  The most special place was the Grand Canyon.

When we first arrived at the canyon it was nearly 11:00 p.m. at night, we drove up to the rim and parked, and while the others waited in the car I ran out and looked over edge.  Of course, could really see nothing, but could sense the vastness of the space and immediately understood the power of this special place and felt the spirit of the canyon overtake my soul.  There was an inner excitement which stirred within me, as the moment had arrived to visit a place I always had wanted to experience.

The next morning, we awoke bright and early, well maybe not so bright, but definitely early around 4:00 a.m. to position ourselves at the rim for the first crackling of dawn over the canyon.  I worried the night before that we may not get up in time, but my dad was the first one awake and roused our bodies and spirits to get moving.  We stayed in the park at one of the lodges and we only traveled three minutes to the parking lot near the rim.  When we arrived only a handful of enthusiast like us were there, but every five minutes or so more additional people arrived to view one of the most glorious sights on earth.  As the sun rose over the canyon it glistened through the clouds as if the light was awakening each geographic formation as the sun’s rays touched their face.  The colors were magnificent, brilliant and bold, unlike many of the professional photographers with camera lenses that appeared to be three feet long capturing every glimpse of this impressive event, I had only my disposable camera, but yet the shots taken in the panoramic mode still grace the top of my file cabinet in my office and remain impressive. The reverence of our comrades that morning was notable, as each person came there for his or her own individual reasons.  Some only to view another sunrise, others to dwell upon the multi-faceted colors of the sky and the rock, and for a few to be spiritually moved by the inner feelings of their soul as the sun not only touched the earth, but their face as something deep within was awakened.

The Native Americans, including the Havasupi, Hopi, Navajo, Southern Paiute, Hualapai tribes and others felt a deep reverence for the canyon and some believed this is where life began.  Some of the most spiritual felt this place to be other-worldly as their ancestors spirits dwelled there, hence the term ‘wind- walkers’ as Indian spirits.

Upon leaving our sunrise viewing point, my father, daughter and I traveled in our rental car to the cafeteria for breakfast, while driving we came upon a large moose in the road, a spectacular creature creating a greater feeling of excitement for our day’s adventure. Upon finishing breakfast, we walked through some small buildings highlighting the history of canyon, exploration, settlements and ancient daily life.  After an hour or so, our real adventure began.

We walked along the edge of the south rim of canyon, the path well worn by many who have gone before as the park boasts around five million visitors a year.   Obviously, not everyone would embark upon what we had decided to do hiking along the edge as far as we could.  Truthfully, I am not sure if my daughter and dad understood my plan, but they quickly embraced my idea.  We started walking the path which was at first a few yards from the edge.  As we continued forward on our path the yards turned into feet and feet turned into inches and we literally walked along the edge of canyon.  In some places if you stumbled and fell, there would only be less than ten feet before encountering an obstacle to break your fall and as we continued forward the drops became larger and in some places it may have been hundreds of feet or perhaps more if you have stumbled.  As a father, when we first encountered these places fear quelled in my veins as I worried about my daughter.  Of course, her independent spirit and confidence overrode my worries.

The views were unbelievable absolutely divine, it was very easy to determine why the Native Americans felt this place to be so sacred.  We filled our eyes with so much beauty, each glance was like a taking a photo to be imprinted within our minds forever.  Our souls were alive, you could feel a deep stirring with each step, and every glance, walking and remaining quiet.  I am sure like myself, my father thought many thoughts about his life, those he had encountered, who he is, where he is going and how God had impacted him.  I am sure he prayed as I prayed for others, for peace, for love, and for release. 

My Dad, the history teacher recalled the exploits of Francisco Vasquez de Coronado and how he taken a small group of Spanish soldiers led by Hopi guides to the canyon in 1540.  And of course, you thought about John Wesley Powell who in 1869 traveled down the mighty Colorado River which appeared to be only a small stream from so far above.

We kept walking as the sun moved over us and then as it shined directly overhead we stopped to eat as I had carried a backpack with drinks and food.  We all remained in a cheerful spirits and continued our momentary quest.  Each view seemed to overshadow what we had seen before, our souls filled with the most beautiful views which nature has to offer.  It was incredible!  We experienced amazing view after amazing view, and after awhile we walked off the path and into place of sparse woods and native grass blazing our own trail until we came upon the well worn path again.  As we walked along the trail we could see the north rim and imagined what the scene must look like from a different vantage point.  We were not the only ones who had chosen our fanciful venture, as talking to others we learned of the viewing point for sunset.  We continued walking and finally arrived at the end of our trail and along with many others positioned ourselves to view the next most magnificent event of the day, ‘the sun disappearing on the other side of the canyon’.  You could see for miles and miles, it is scene you must see for yourself.

In the darkness we climbed aboard a bus and traveled past each of the points where we had visited marking our day’s journey recalling the voyage of our souls.  When we arrived back, we lined up behind many others at the cafeteria tired yet truly satisfied.  We ended up walking twelve miles that day and enjoyed one of the memorable experiences of our lives.

Questions For You

Am I so difficult to understand, I am just a simple person with a simple mind seeking love and caring.  My purpose is to help others to understand themselves to seek a higher version of who they are by adventuring deep within their inner-recesses of their own minds.

What is your purpose?  Who are you?  Do you love me?  Are you here today only to be gone tomorrow?  What do you want?  Why do you want it?  How am I involved in your plan, and why are you and I of all the people in the world to encounter one another?  What does it mean?  How can I help you to become more of who you are?  If I brought you fresh flowers what would you say, or would you run away?  Would they provide you a certain feeling?  Would you stare at each flower and each petal noticing the vibrancy of the colors and how delicate observing the fragility of their remaining life?  Would you water them or just let them fade away?   Would you be grateful for them?  Would you find them to be beautiful?

Who are you?  Are you afraid?  And if so, of whom, of what and why?  Have you looked in the mirror today to see your reflection?  Were you happy to see yourself?  Did you happen to notice how beautiful you are? 

Who did you pray for today?  I prayed for you, I pray for everyone who reads these words.  I pray God places His hand upon you and blesses you with abundance in all areas of your life.  I pray you find peace, you deserve peace.  You are wonderful.  Of course, you thought I did not notice, but I did.  You are special… maybe no one has told you that lately, but you are.  There is a smile growing on your face, you are lovely when you smile.  You should smile more.  God loves you!  Stop running around scared!  You have nothing to fear, you are invincible, or at least I think so, maybe because I think you are wonderful.  So, have  you figured out who you are, I mean really, who are you?  Why does God love you so much?  You have nothing to fear, absolutely nothing!

I believe in you, do you believe in me?  The question I ask isn’t so much about me, it is about you, who you are and your character.  What do you need in your life?   What do you have to give?   Do you have the capability to love more than you are now, and if so, what is stopping you?